Monday, July 18, 2011

USA Finishes 2nd


All of the hard work, perseverance, and an entire country rooting for them and it all came down to PKs...

For all of you soccer fans out there, you know that a penalty kick is like a free throw in basketball:  free points.  A penalty kick is awarded when a defender takes down an opposing player who was about to score a goal. The player is awarded a free kick ten yards from a stationary goalie.  It is a given that the penalty kick will go in.  The referee has helped to even out the score.  But just like the NBA players who shoot less than 80% from the free throw line, there is no guarantee.

At the professional level there really is no excuse for not making the shot.  It is something that every soccer player has practiced since they were playing U10.  Take 3 steps, keep your head down, aim for the side of the net. 

The goalie is at a severe disadvantage during a penalty kick and often has to guess which way the ball will go before it leaves the shooter's foot.  Guess correct and you are a hero.  Guess wrong and the kick goes the way it was intended.  The goalie is never to blame for missing the ball; the blame lies with the defender that originally committed the foal.

The US missed its first 2 shots; one rather predictably because Shannon Boxx always goes right.  The other sailed high over the cross bar, a result of Carlie Lloyd's dead legs.  Abby Wambach did manage to get one into the net but it was too late.  The Japanese were victorious.

It never should have come down to the uncertainty of PKs.  The US had too many chances in the first half and committed 2 costly defensive errors in the second.  But that doesn't lessen the disappointment that we all feel.

The country cheered with you and we hang our heads with you.  But... We are still behind you!  You are still our team!  USA in 2015!!

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Casey Anthony Released

Casey Anthony is scheduled to be released from prison today.  Her lawyer has recommended that she be whisked off under cover of darkness to an undisclosed location.  There she will be surrounded by body guards because she has received numerous death threats and emails predicting her untimely death.

Too bad she can't just go home and pretend that none of this happened.  Kind of like she did for the month she didn't report her missing toddler.  The month she spent partying, getting tattoos, and living the single life that any new mom has accepted is over.

But how do you go home to the place where your poor innocent child drowned in your family's pool?  How do you go home to the place where your father lives?  A place where according to you, he helped you cover up your daughter's death?  A place where your car is probably still parked and the smell of rotting flesh still permeates your trunk?  The place where your father supposedly abused you and caused you to act so selfishly?  How do you, in essence, return to the scene of the crime?

She can't.  Casey can't go back there because she would be forced to address all of her lies and get her story straight.  She would have to face the parents that for some reason stood by her during her incarceration.  She would have to face the media frenzy that is sure to descend upon her childhood home; interviewing people who had known her when; endlessly speculating on what comes next.  People are sure to come out of the woodwork with stories of Casey's indiscretions.  Why would she want to face that when she doesn't have to?

Instead she gets to waste more tax payer money on protection from unknown enemies and work on her book while enjoying the Florida summer.  Seems like a pretty obvious choice, for someone like Casey.

Many years ago another sensational murder trial gripped our nation.  A beautiful blond from California and her handsome young "friend" where killed in her Brentwood mansion.  A former football star drove his white Bronco around LA while the nation watched in bizarre fascination.  He too was found innocent.  The public was outraged.  And then we all moved on.

Nobody ever killed OJ and he was much more interesting, so lets just let this miscarriage of justice fade from our memory too.  And hopefully like OJ she will end up exactly where she belongs, eventually.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Bachelorette Parties

One of my good friends is getting married in August and tonight is that right of passage that all brides must go through look forward to: The Bachelorette Party.  Unlike most stag parties the bride usually enjoys the night out with her girl friends and doesn't come home with a black eye, nasty underpants, and tales that can never be told.  Unless of course...

1.  You are attending your first ever party!  We were young and so excited to be a part of our first friend's big day.  We searched for dresses, forgot about food, and thought it would be a good idea to invite the stripper into our limo where two lucky ladies proceeded to argue over who was going to win him for the night.  Flash forward a few hours and said stripper is still hanging around us, one lady has "fallen" out of the limo while loosing her "lunch" along the Northway, and another lady is bleeding profusely from her shin.  "It's fine.  Drink this!" we say.  Two months later the shard of glass was successfully removed.  Good Times!

2.  Having survived our first and running headlong into our second party we again searched for outfits, brought a vege tray, and waited for the stripper.  And waited. And waited.  And waited.  Bad news:  the stripper arrived just in time for the party bus to bring us to our next adventure!  Good news:  we didn't pay the stripper!  And did I forget to mention that we put a half on our bus and did keg stands in our itty bitty dresses with or without underpants?  I don't need to remind the bus driver... sucker stole my camera and probably published us on the preInternet.  Super!

3.  Fast forward a few years... now we are pros!  No more house parties, no more strippers, no more gallivanting around in skimpy outfits.  We will go to the Comedy Works where our blushing bride will be roasted by someone she doesn't know and we will all drink and laugh at her expense.  Except when we hit the chocolate martinis a little too hard and end up face down on the bathroom floor.  So we all pile into Aunt Janet's PT Cruiser and bring the party (and the comic) to our local watering hole.  Still Got It!

4.  My party unfortunately I have little memory of.  I can't remember what I drank.  I have no idea what I ate.  I did pin a few penis's in some unique places.  And woke up in an outfit that would make a porn star look twice.  Only a best friend would help you into that!!

5.  But my best Bachelorette memory is also my best piece of advice for all of you single ladies out there:  make sure that you are sure you want to get married because if you are going to take a guy home with you, it better be the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle.  Now that's a story that can never be told, right T?


Thursday, July 14, 2011



The United States Women's Soccer team has advanced to the World Cup Final!  Though I can't imagine a  game ever topping their amazing victory over Brazil on Sunday, yesterday they beat a French team who at times completely dominated play. The US looked brilliant and other times fatigued, but they played through it.  After 90 minutes they pulled it out to earn the chance to beat Japan.

Lauren Cheney (best player on the field) scored early and then the French tied it up on a bizarre little cross that completely froze Hope Solo (my girl crush).  But the Americans didn't give up and made some key personnel adjustments to take back the lead on Abby Wambach's (soccer machine) header late in the second half. 

Why any goalie, defender, woman on the field would let her anywhere near the ball I can't fathom!  She gets to every ball and wills it into the net.  She is amazing. 

22 year old Alex Morgan solidified the game with a third goal late in which she took a pass from Megan Rapino (can we give the girl a start please?), beat the defender and lobbed it over the goalie's head.  Amazing!

Join us as we witness the US return to the top of the world on Sunday at Wolff's Biergarten in Albany.  Kickoff is 2 p.m.  Peanuts and Spaten begin anytime after noon.

USA!!, USA!!, USA!!...

A Whole New Level

A California woman who was going through a divorce has taken punishing her husband to a whole new level!  She invited him over for dinner and slipped a little something into his food to make his sleepy.  A prelude to a conjugal entrapment?  Not exactly...

After dinner and a snooze, she then tied her husband's hands and feet to their bed and proceeded to cut off his most prized possession.  Unfortunately, she had not given him enough of the sleep aid (or maybe she did) and sleeping beauty awoke during the procedure.  I can't even imagine...

Then instead of throwing the jewel out the window, aka Lorena Bobbit, she ran it through her garbage disposal.  I guess there is no going back (on)...

And then she called 911.  How sweet of her...

Saturday, July 9, 2011

He Did It!

3,000 hits!
Only Yankee ever!
Best Yankee ever!
First Ballot Hall of Famer!
Congratulations Derek!!


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Casey Anthony

Casey Anthony was found not guilty of murdering her child?  I can't understand it.

Her cute and cuddly toddler had her mouth and nose duck taped shut and was thrown away in a Hefty bag like a piece of garbage.  Her mother didn't report her missing for over a month.  Instead she carried on like a drunken co-ed and even had "beautiful life" tattooed on her body.  She was even stupid enough to photograph her madness.  Drinking, clubbing, dancing away the stress that her child apparently inflicted upon her active lifestyle. 

What's worse?  She lived with her parents.  She was unemployed.  She claimed a non-existent nanny kidnapped her.  Her father was a police officer.  Nobody noticed that little Caylee wasn't around?  Nobody asked why?

Casey was found not guilty of murder, child abuse, and manslaughter.  She escaped the fate that was so cruelly bestowed upon her daughter.  Instead she was convicted of four counts of lying to police.  Her sentence?  Four years in jail.  Since she has already served three and has been on her best behavior lately, she should be back to the party scene before the co-eds head back to class.

What's worse?  She is currently negotiating a book deal. 

Like anyone needs a recap of this miscarriage of justice?

Sunday, July 3, 2011


Rain, Rain Go Away Come Again Another Day!

When we have finished shoveling the dirt
And laying the sod.
Planting the flowers
And God

We are hosting a cookout today.
So please, please, please
Let the sun shine warm and bright
So our new yard will not float away!


Saturday, July 2, 2011

Quiet Please!

There are times that we all crave conversation:  get togethers with our girlfriends, warm summer nights with a cool adult beverage, after a weekend with your newborn.  We catch up, vent, or even just use real words to communicate with family and friends.

And there are times when it is just not necessary:  at the movies, while I'm trying to finish my book, snuggle with my newborn (or oldborn) daughter, and late night when my husband decides to recap his evening (for the 3rd time).

Then there are those times when you think:  "Is she stillllll talking?"  Take yesterday for example.  I had a dental appointment.  An appointment, mind you, that had been rescheduled three times since January.  So instead of my loyal six month cleaning, I hadn't been to my hygienist in almost twelve months.  I pride myself in taking very good care of my teeth.  I brush and floss; whiten and polish; and can proudly say that I have only three cavities in my mouth.  None of which have been filled in my past two decades.

But expecting that my cleaning might take a little longer than usual, I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and let my thoughts drift to all of the things that I have to do this summer.  Which is nothing because as a teacher I am taking advantage of that amazing song "School's Out for Summer".  Ahh...

"How old is your daughter?"  Who could possibly be taking right now? "Is she walking yet?" Really? Are we friends?  "Who does she look like? My first daughter looks just like me except for my husbands ears...."  I am salivating all over myself while you use a sharp instrument to scrape hardened gunk off of my teeth.  How exactly do you expect me to have a conversation with you?  I have never even met you, why do you care?  "What are your plans for the summer?"  Sweet Jesus.

We all need conversation.   Even conversation with virtual strangers.  But not in the dental chair.  Or while I am getting a massage, having an Ob/Gyn check up, or getting a pedicure from my favorite Vietnamese technician. 

Just leave me to my thoughts or the latest issue of Us Weekly.  Ok?!!