Friday, July 15, 2011

Bachelorette Parties

One of my good friends is getting married in August and tonight is that right of passage that all brides must go through look forward to: The Bachelorette Party.  Unlike most stag parties the bride usually enjoys the night out with her girl friends and doesn't come home with a black eye, nasty underpants, and tales that can never be told.  Unless of course...

1.  You are attending your first ever party!  We were young and so excited to be a part of our first friend's big day.  We searched for dresses, forgot about food, and thought it would be a good idea to invite the stripper into our limo where two lucky ladies proceeded to argue over who was going to win him for the night.  Flash forward a few hours and said stripper is still hanging around us, one lady has "fallen" out of the limo while loosing her "lunch" along the Northway, and another lady is bleeding profusely from her shin.  "It's fine.  Drink this!" we say.  Two months later the shard of glass was successfully removed.  Good Times!

2.  Having survived our first and running headlong into our second party we again searched for outfits, brought a vege tray, and waited for the stripper.  And waited. And waited.  And waited.  Bad news:  the stripper arrived just in time for the party bus to bring us to our next adventure!  Good news:  we didn't pay the stripper!  And did I forget to mention that we put a half on our bus and did keg stands in our itty bitty dresses with or without underpants?  I don't need to remind the bus driver... sucker stole my camera and probably published us on the preInternet.  Super!

3.  Fast forward a few years... now we are pros!  No more house parties, no more strippers, no more gallivanting around in skimpy outfits.  We will go to the Comedy Works where our blushing bride will be roasted by someone she doesn't know and we will all drink and laugh at her expense.  Except when we hit the chocolate martinis a little too hard and end up face down on the bathroom floor.  So we all pile into Aunt Janet's PT Cruiser and bring the party (and the comic) to our local watering hole.  Still Got It!

4.  My party unfortunately I have little memory of.  I can't remember what I drank.  I have no idea what I ate.  I did pin a few penis's in some unique places.  And woke up in an outfit that would make a porn star look twice.  Only a best friend would help you into that!!

5.  But my best Bachelorette memory is also my best piece of advice for all of you single ladies out there:  make sure that you are sure you want to get married because if you are going to take a guy home with you, it better be the one waiting for you at the end of the aisle.  Now that's a story that can never be told, right T?


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